I'm filing it for reference for an upcoming piece on collectives, curated and fluid friendship, and chosen kinship. You've no doubt got wisdom on this, and I'd love to hear your perspective — I have long wondered if we need new language (and social contracts) around non-biological kin to help us navigate our expectations and obligations in a world that's feeling increasingly transient.
One way I've found myself framing it is by asking "Whose permission would you need to ask to move?" — with the obvious answer being "no-ones?!" for most of us. But I think that might need rethinking if we're going to risk actually depending on each other.
"We don’t always consider what it might cost us each time we uproot. So many people who escape coercive forms of community initially feel a rush of freedom only to realise the way we structure autonomous individualism carries a whole different set of problems. Navigating a safe middle ground is complicated when your trust has been betrayed. So, we leap out of the frying pan only to find ourselves in the void.
The script we live with approaches “opportunity” as a net good but — and you’re never going to believe this /s — while a fluid workforce is great for capitalism, it can present huge challenges for forming community."
When we treat the world as an interchangeable backdrop to our lives as the main character, we can easily miss the fact that human flourishing most often depends on a network of relationships marked by trust, care, knowledge and the only phrase scarier to say aloud than “candyman”: mutual-obligation. It turns out we are more terrified of social debt than financial."
As someone who has experienced so much loss of friendships due to moves in the past 4 years I can’t help but think… Why does this make me so damn emotional still?!
I love this piece and have felt it all!
I'm filing it for reference for an upcoming piece on collectives, curated and fluid friendship, and chosen kinship. You've no doubt got wisdom on this, and I'd love to hear your perspective — I have long wondered if we need new language (and social contracts) around non-biological kin to help us navigate our expectations and obligations in a world that's feeling increasingly transient.
One way I've found myself framing it is by asking "Whose permission would you need to ask to move?" — with the obvious answer being "no-ones?!" for most of us. But I think that might need rethinking if we're going to risk actually depending on each other.
"We don’t always consider what it might cost us each time we uproot. So many people who escape coercive forms of community initially feel a rush of freedom only to realise the way we structure autonomous individualism carries a whole different set of problems. Navigating a safe middle ground is complicated when your trust has been betrayed. So, we leap out of the frying pan only to find ourselves in the void.
The script we live with approaches “opportunity” as a net good but — and you’re never going to believe this /s — while a fluid workforce is great for capitalism, it can present huge challenges for forming community."
When we treat the world as an interchangeable backdrop to our lives as the main character, we can easily miss the fact that human flourishing most often depends on a network of relationships marked by trust, care, knowledge and the only phrase scarier to say aloud than “candyman”: mutual-obligation. It turns out we are more terrified of social debt than financial."
https://theuntethereddilemma.substack.com/p/out-of-the-frying-pan-and-into-the
Loved this piece - as someone who is about to move and who recently had a friend move
You're such an evocative and authentic writer. ❤️
As someone who has experienced so much loss of friendships due to moves in the past 4 years I can’t help but think… Why does this make me so damn emotional still?!
This <3