This is so beautiful and touches on so many nuances of this conversation that I haven’t quiet read elsewhere. Feels like a compelling call to action. Thank you!! I’ve been thinking about how we romanticize community and give up quickly when it doesn’t fit our rosy picture because we’re all fairly unpracticed (and exhausted because of the very systems working against our social cohesion) in the messy and awkward and hard parts, but how conflict and struggles and non-100% satisfaction with how things function are maybe actually the very way we get to the feeling of belonging that we’re seeking. Thank you thank you.
YES that's such a great way to put it! We need to go through the hard part to get to what we're looking for, but it's easy to feel like any social friction is a sign of failure or wasted time, which sends us back into our caves or easy solutions...and repeat that x1000.
Love this! I've gone to about three 'mum's groups' (would rather they were parent groups, but you know how it is) and they haven't stuck. I've thought about why - and it probably is because the spaces in which these groups initially met were not able to be replicated in the long term: because people went back to work after parental leave; because we didn't have one meeting place that worked; because it was easier to use Whatsapp to say 'not everyone can make it, so let's cancel!'.
Phones have most probably stopped us from just showing up. They give us an out, whether its a message to cancel, or a message that we agonise over sending - instead of just going and trying.
Oh man, I so relate to the retro analysis of a fizzled-out group. It can be because of all these reasons at once and more, and that's what is so interesting about it: we're experiencing more isolation because of intersecting systems and behaviors. Spaces *and* tech *and* work. In a weird way, it makes me more forgiving, because looking at that, I'm like "well, gee, of course an app alone can't fix that!" But this kind of thoughtful reflection is, to me, a first step.
I would be interested to know also if some cultures are just better at meeting and getting involved in friend groups. I'm from New Zealand, and we're not known for being the most social bunch!
Great reflection about how even friendships and social connection - a vital human activity - becomes a business. Loved reading it. I'm also writing a piece about friendship among expats, which will go out tomorrow, and I was reading what's out there on Substack on friendship. 😊
This is so beautiful and touches on so many nuances of this conversation that I haven’t quiet read elsewhere. Feels like a compelling call to action. Thank you!! I’ve been thinking about how we romanticize community and give up quickly when it doesn’t fit our rosy picture because we’re all fairly unpracticed (and exhausted because of the very systems working against our social cohesion) in the messy and awkward and hard parts, but how conflict and struggles and non-100% satisfaction with how things function are maybe actually the very way we get to the feeling of belonging that we’re seeking. Thank you thank you.
YES that's such a great way to put it! We need to go through the hard part to get to what we're looking for, but it's easy to feel like any social friction is a sign of failure or wasted time, which sends us back into our caves or easy solutions...and repeat that x1000.
Love this! I've gone to about three 'mum's groups' (would rather they were parent groups, but you know how it is) and they haven't stuck. I've thought about why - and it probably is because the spaces in which these groups initially met were not able to be replicated in the long term: because people went back to work after parental leave; because we didn't have one meeting place that worked; because it was easier to use Whatsapp to say 'not everyone can make it, so let's cancel!'.
Phones have most probably stopped us from just showing up. They give us an out, whether its a message to cancel, or a message that we agonise over sending - instead of just going and trying.
Oh man, I so relate to the retro analysis of a fizzled-out group. It can be because of all these reasons at once and more, and that's what is so interesting about it: we're experiencing more isolation because of intersecting systems and behaviors. Spaces *and* tech *and* work. In a weird way, it makes me more forgiving, because looking at that, I'm like "well, gee, of course an app alone can't fix that!" But this kind of thoughtful reflection is, to me, a first step.
I would be interested to know also if some cultures are just better at meeting and getting involved in friend groups. I'm from New Zealand, and we're not known for being the most social bunch!
Great reflection about how even friendships and social connection - a vital human activity - becomes a business. Loved reading it. I'm also writing a piece about friendship among expats, which will go out tomorrow, and I was reading what's out there on Substack on friendship. 😊