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Lora Fish's avatar

Thanks for your meanderings on this topic!

I just had a conversation with a friend yesterday on this very topic of self-agency, as it relates to our children. In the Workforce Development space, I've sometimes been called to a group to offer input on offering career guidance at younger and younger ages. People ooh and ahh over better skills and interest-based inventories and learning about what careers exist.

I argue in favor of getting kids access to more experiences because they do this very thing. They take it from idea to action. For your button analogy, it's much better sew a button than to learn about it.

When I was a career consultant, my clients would often want to consider all the pros and cons of a certain job--- these were people in need of one. Lack of certainty engendered hesitation. I did the opposite with them. Think you might want to do something? Call 20 people about it. You can find out in one day whether there is a job market, whether you have the skills or you don't, or what you would need to do to get them.

Another application for this is adopting new hobbies. Two years ago, at age 55, I learned that a colleague in his 40s did triathlons. It surprised me that he was a triathlete. He clarified that he did sprint triathlons, which are shorter.

That day, when I looked it up, I learned that it only requires about 5 hours a week of exercise. I already bike. I have two legs for running, and I enjoy the water. I need to exercise 5 hours a week anyway. Why not have a goal? So I decided in that moment I would do it, because I could do it. I contacted a swim coach because I didn't know how to breathe and swim, but that's just about technique. I did my first triathlon at the end of that season and came in first in my age group. I was the only person in it!

I pushed myself and did a longer distance this year and came in dead last. But I finished. And I'm more fit than I was before. It feels great to swim or pump my legs outdoors! Not gonna lie, I still don't love to run :)

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Meredyth Pederson Cooper's avatar

I loved this piece! Thank you for putting words around something I’ve been thinking of a lot these days. When I think about agency in this way, I try to find ways of closing the gap between the world I want to live in and my current reality. What can I do to create the kinds of experiences, relationships, gatherings I want to have? It reminds me that while I can’t control everything, I have plenty to give and contribute toward the vision I have for community, friendship, family, etc. Thinking this way has led me to create my first independent theatre production, it makes me invite the friends over for dinner, and prompts me to offer specific help/support to friends going through something hard.

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