This is a great perspective and reminds me of a wonderful discussion I had on Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship where my guest Ruchi Koval said something like, "There are people who never disappoint us. Those people are called acquaintances." I thought it was perfect and a similar sentiment to what you're saying here. As we work closely with people and in friendship, we are bound to mess up and others will mess up. And yes, having impossible expectations never ends well.
By the way, I loved your episode on Off the Grid and shared it in my newsletter a few weeks ago.
It seems like you have found some sort of stoic philosophy for dealing with heartbreak. Good for you! I'm trying to get there, but I'm still very pessimistic. However, I have recently recovered some of my faith in humanity. Remember that I told you I would join my local literary workshop? I attended the first session, and it was a delight! The professor is in his forties but doesn't use social media or even own a smartphone! He teaches at the university level, so he is very articulate and well-informed, while at the same time completely ignoring current trends, memes, or internet culture in general. My classmates are elderly people, so the pace is slow, and we share sweet treats and anecdotes about our personal lives. I'M LOVING IT!
I love this. It’s acquired wisdom. And that wisdom lets compassion lead in times of heartbreak. It reminds of this time my acting teacher gave us an exercise to play an improvised scene where one person could only say yes and the other person could only say no. The trick was to make the scene feel real and authentic and to give it an arc, rather than devolve into a boring shouting match. We all mostly failed and then she demonstrated it for us with me as her scene partner. And one of her choices was to say No with the compassion of a parent to a child. It was so specific and real and her side of the argument became so calm and patient. No shouting just a gentle wall. We can confront hard things with compassion. And when we do it relieves us of the burden of getting spun.
This is a great perspective and reminds me of a wonderful discussion I had on Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship where my guest Ruchi Koval said something like, "There are people who never disappoint us. Those people are called acquaintances." I thought it was perfect and a similar sentiment to what you're saying here. As we work closely with people and in friendship, we are bound to mess up and others will mess up. And yes, having impossible expectations never ends well.
By the way, I loved your episode on Off the Grid and shared it in my newsletter a few weeks ago.
I just adore this newsletter 💛
🥹
I loved having you on the pod so much! 💓
thanks for this timely advice!
It seems like you have found some sort of stoic philosophy for dealing with heartbreak. Good for you! I'm trying to get there, but I'm still very pessimistic. However, I have recently recovered some of my faith in humanity. Remember that I told you I would join my local literary workshop? I attended the first session, and it was a delight! The professor is in his forties but doesn't use social media or even own a smartphone! He teaches at the university level, so he is very articulate and well-informed, while at the same time completely ignoring current trends, memes, or internet culture in general. My classmates are elderly people, so the pace is slow, and we share sweet treats and anecdotes about our personal lives. I'M LOVING IT!
I love this. It’s acquired wisdom. And that wisdom lets compassion lead in times of heartbreak. It reminds of this time my acting teacher gave us an exercise to play an improvised scene where one person could only say yes and the other person could only say no. The trick was to make the scene feel real and authentic and to give it an arc, rather than devolve into a boring shouting match. We all mostly failed and then she demonstrated it for us with me as her scene partner. And one of her choices was to say No with the compassion of a parent to a child. It was so specific and real and her side of the argument became so calm and patient. No shouting just a gentle wall. We can confront hard things with compassion. And when we do it relieves us of the burden of getting spun.
Just sent this to a friend I am in a collective with because it felt relevant, thank you for it! 🪻
💜💜💜💜
"internalize, Homo sum, humani nil a me alienum puto: I am a human being, nothing human can be alien to me." ~Maya Angelou