On Having Expectations – Even When Doing Things for Free
Raising the bar for volunteerism
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When I organized volunteers at the museum, one of my tasks was to basically be a hype man for whoever signed up to support one of our public events. These volunteers would run screenprinting with artists, share fun little facts in the galleries, snap photos, welcome people and say goodbye, that sort of thing. It felt like our small team doubled in size those nights and got even more wonderful; there was a 9-year-old who loved helping out with the art activities, docents of legend who I’d ping pong emails back and forth with, college kids who invited me to shows happening later that night.
They could be doing anything else with their time and they chose to be here, helping us, I’d think, and I’d feel almost knocked over with gratitude. It was my first consistent interaction with volunteers. I was in my early twenties. All of this is why I had no idea what to do when one volunteer went a little rogue.
She was lovely but kooky, a classic Santa Cruz type who maybe never experienced a conversation coming to its natural end because, like gas particles in a container, she would fill up whatever space you gave her. I loved this about her and it also made working with her challenging; she would interrupt the short event orientation, change up her role in the middle of the night leaving others hanging, head out early. The structure of it all just clearly wasn’t jiving for her. She’d get spiky when I’d make space for others to speak at orientation, or if I’d offer to shift the role she signed up for. But month after month, she’d keep signing up. What could I do?
Well, you talk to her about it. When my manager told me this, I felt as if he were suggesting I shoot her with a crossbow. Literally, how could I? She was in her sixties and offering her time for free. And I was realizing, on some deep philosophical level, that I didn’t believe it was possible to ask more of volunteers than the extremely basic task they signed up for. All we could do was try our best to nudge them in the right direction. If anything got squirrely, it would be best at that point to close our eyes and pray they’d forget how to get into the building.
In a time where we want to be creating things together more – from the most intimate, loving gatherings, to co-ops and clubs and co-living, to the most generous mutual aid offerings – we’ll be devoting much of our time and effort for free. But outside the container of paid work, when it isn’t necessarily money that tethers us to showing up day after day, but something else (see: love, service, liberation), how does that transform our expectations of one another? This has come up for me in every dimension of giving my time for free: as a volunteer interacting with other volunteers, engaging with paid organizers or staff as a volunteer, organizing others as a volunteer, or not capital V volunteering, but working on projects with friends.
When anything goes sideways, I notice my own expectations disintegrating into a very fine powder, my most inner troll whispering something like: “None of us have to be here” or “We could all walk away whenever” or “It’s not like this is our job”. Cool, what a dependable and stable thing we’ve got going!
It is two massive storm systems of individualism and capitalism smashing together at once: It’s only worth it when I’m getting paid and I can bail whenever I want, I don’t need y’all.
What does it look like to expect things from each other when we aren’t being paid to be there? When I say expectations, I’m thinking about:
Showing up on time, or at all
Respecting community agreements and values
Doing the thing we said we would do
Committing for long periods of time; weeks, months, years
Tending to our relationships and ourselves
Educating ourselves, learning or upskilling
Being creative, brave, innovative; like, actually bringing a special above-and-beyond energetic quality to whatever we are doing
It’s impossible not to experience one (or all) of these expectations being met or unmet in collaboration with others, from the lowest stake potluck planning to co-organizing alongside people for months or years. It is very possible to believe we can’t expect better from each other and to not meet these expectations ourselves. But the relationships, communities, and movements of our dreams will never be built on a foundation this flaky.
And what sort of landscape does that even leave us with, anyway? One where paid work is the only place we can expect commitment to each other?
Of course, money is a transformative incentive. Donating our time and labor for free is a privilege. I’ve watched stipends, contract agreements, or permanent staff roles enable incredible volunteers to go way beyond what they could do without compensation. I also believe expectations themselves require expansion and redefinition outside of the bounds of work (i.e. seasonality! Or changing up roles!); I have seen and wrought total failure myself by plopping strict expectations on unpaid volunteers as if this was their job.
What I’m interested in is transforming my own beliefs and assumptions about volunteerism. I want to raise the bar for what I hope to bring and what I can expect out of my peers. I want to do this because the projects and campaigns and organizations and gatherings I want to participate in will require, at some point, some people doing really good work for free. It just will.
Here are some ways I’m exploring my own beliefs about volunteerism:
Remembering my earliest experiences as a volunteer. How did these shape me? My parents gave a ton of time to our church and I’d tag along with them (blurry memory: small arms bear hugging a huge coffee carafe, waddling it out to the lobby in the precious hour before everyone arrived), but I don’t remember many stories about interacting with other volunteers. Maybe just the drama. Maybe this says something.
Noticing the knee-jerk ways I replicate work when volunteering. If paid work is the main arena we have for collaborating with other people, it is bound to shape our universe when volunteering…and thus transmits harmful relationships with power, identity, and ability into a totally unique space.
Meeting deeply inspiring volunteers whose commitment makes me want to cry a little. There are always people who have been showing up since the start, roping in their friends, driving themselves and others wild distances, offering their skills and belongings and resources in ways I’d never imagine doing myself. This requires talking to others when going to something new (usually the ones wearing the t-shirts, or who know where the bathrooms and/or snacks are), reading the stories about people doing inspiring work together in your town or city or state, thinking of that person in your life who always seems to be doing things for others and getting coffee to understand how exactly they are so magical.
Exploring the feelings that come up in me when volunteering. The first one is always nervousness; am I able to show up with integrity? Am I allowed to expect so much of others? I’ll often feel frustrated if let down by a fellow volunteer (a high school group project vibe) and then feel totally overwhelmed by the possibility of actually addressing it with them. I get giddy at the idea that we can raise expectations, because it feels like building the relationships and world I want to live in. Once I notice these feelings, I don’t usually need to do much more; it is cathartic enough to validate that all of this is indeed uncharted and wildly complex territory.
I don’t remember exactly how that phone call with the volunteer went, and (surprising no one) don’t think everything got magically better right away, but I remember the relief of mutual understanding, of connecting with each other, of attempting at all, even while hating the wavering in my own voice.
Most of all, I remember what it felt like to unlock a new dimension of my relationships: we can expect things out of each other even when we are doing something for free. Our shared work will be so much more beautiful, successful, and transformative because of it.
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There is so much more to say about this (i.e. once you believe all this, then what?) and I would love to hear what has shaped your relationship to volunteering. In the meantime, here are some other pieces on volunteerism and giving from the archive:
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